Hat-Trick

In sports, a hat-trick (or hat trick) means to achieve a positive feat in the sport three times during a game.

In EVE, a hat-trick means someone is having a real shitty gaming experience.

Introducing...Butnot. Butnot was having a lovely evening with some buddies in a mission. He's flying a repping Domi. His buds are in 3 x Ravens and a Hurricane (salver). Everyone in the mission was in a nub corp. This was Butnot's mission...so when i stole from a wreck...only Butnot had agro.

So...Butnot, surrounded by friends, thinks it's a great idea to shoot me. (he's basically un-armed except for his drones...he's the mission repper) Safe, right? I mean there are 3 Ravens here. Now it's the beginning of a really bad evening for Butnot.

Back I come with Ganka-saurus. I have to burn through 5 gates...and find him in the last room with his buds. He was aligned and warped away. So...i follow. After alittle cat and mouse...we both end back on Gate 1. He goes...poof.

Normally, that's where the story ends. Oh no...this guy is a brilliant player. I'm back at base selling his crap...then I say to myself...lets go back to the mission and see what's up. Back in the vigil...I warp back in. Um...wtf? Dude is back in the mission with another Domi. Really?!? I mean...come on...Really? I burn through all the gates...and there he is with his buds. My timer is gone, but the Hurricane hasn't managed to get to all the wrecks yet. Muah ha ha...so i loot another wreck. In come the Domi's drones...yeah agro again. Laughing back to station...I'm savoring another kill...but i know the mission is over...he's gonna run.

There are three gates in "my"system...I have to guess where this chump is going to go. I warp to a gate...and wait on the other side. Sure enough...the dimwit comes through...poof. Kill #2.

By now...most players who get spanked this hard are gonna start thinking..."wow...I gotta spend alittle time learning about Agro timers". Nope...not this guy.

So...as i'm scooping up the loot from the second kill...I see his little pod go back through the gate.
Hmmm...where could he be going? I follow. When I get through the gate, he's not in system. Strange. Then it dawns on me...the tard is going to go buy another ship! rofl...HE'S GOING TO RENS!!!! OMG...no, please tell me this guy isn't THAT stupid.

So...I burn towards Rens. I wait in the neighboring system...yep, you guessed it, at the gate. 12 minutes later...guess who pops through the gate in a shiny new Domi (hopefully insured...numbnuts) Just in time and agro is still mine. Poof. Kill #3.

Yep...pretty stupid.

"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. "
Harlan Ellison
US science fiction author & screenwriter (1934 - )

Fail Ninjas

Funny RL Ninja Fail:

Ninja Fail #1

Ninja Fail #2

New Depths of Evil

So...how mean and despicable can you be in this game? It's a sandbox...you can be quite heinous. Here is the story of: Divinebeing

Divine was a recent victim of Sect Or. After his gank at the hands of Urkal, he strikes up a convo with him. "GF...taught me a lesson, etc. etc." Urkal talks to this guy for an hour. Then the guy says..."hey...come kill the rats in my mission...at least let me have the bounties"...so Urkal comes in and helps him complete the mission. Now they are best buddies. Divine starts asking about the Ninja way. He's interested...since his corp is an "all but dead" mission runing corp. He apps to Sect Or. Really?!? LOL...you can not hide from us now. YOU ARE IN OUR CORP.

In comes Divine...happy to be in the corp. "Welcome" says all the greedy ninjas. "Glad you're here" says I.

"We're running a Lvl 4, wanna come? "Sure" says Divinebeing.

Divine warps to the gate to be welcomed, NEENJAH STYLE, into the corp. He dies a pissed off pilot.

Urkal > you need some dps help there isnt anyone to gank tonight
DivineBeing > im actually nearly finnished lol. but thatnks tho
Urkal > alright let me know if that changes
Urkal > back in the scan boat
DivineBeing > dam i cant fit all my stuff on my domi lol
Urkal > haha not enough powergrid?
Van Drakk > how much does an andromedin power absorber go for now a days?
DivineBeing > ye the powergrid is a bish. only cuz im trying to fit x2 armor reps tho lol
Van Drakk > yeah its bullocks
DivineBeing > and i have not a clue what that even is van
Van Drakk > bloody hell its only the best defensive module ever
Van Drakk > nah im just joshin with ya m8 its for anotha game
DivineBeing > oh ok
Urkal > it would be overpowereed
Van Drakk > yeah it would destroy those wankas
Urkal > hey van you wanna help me do my first lvl 4 i cant complete it and i dont want to lose my faction standing
Urkal > i need more dps or something
Van Drakk > you can take that lvl 4 and shove it straight up your arse you cheeky plonker
Van Drakk > i would but im going afk
Van Drakk > maybe sar or divine will help
Urkal > wheres our carebears when you need them
DivineBeing > lol
DivineBeing > how long you got left on the mission bonus timer?
Urkal > non :( i had it since yesterday i get sensor jammed i need someone to go take them out so i can dps before my tank breaks
DivineBeing > i think its funny that you can pop me but you cant a lv4 npc xD
DivineBeing > i'll help in a bit
Urkal > haha
DivineBeing > who is it against?
Urkal > well you didnt damp me to 5km sensor range
Urkal > its against the serpantis
DivineBeing > ah, maybe i should next time ;D
DivineBeing > ok. system?
Urkal > frarn
Urkal > wanna fleet up?
DivineBeing > kk, 2 jumps over
DivineBeing > you got any fleet bonues?
Urkal > yea a few
DivineBeing > like?
Urkal > 4% to shields agility and armor
DivineBeing > ah ok. pretty good then
Urkal > so the plan is im gonna jump in and get the aggro
Urkal > and you are gonna pop those annoying dampers
DivineBeing > lol
DivineBeing > well im still just finnishing my mish
Urkal > alright no rush
Urkal > the timers gone :(
DivineBeing > lol
Urkal > but you can spilt the reward and the loyalty points ><
Urkal > this is my last mission lol
DivineBeing > HOLY CRAP
Urkal > im a pve nub
Urkal > ?
DivineBeing > wow, i nearly got popped
DivineBeing > i got warp scrambled and didnt notice til 1/4 armor
DivineBeing > im on fire lmao
Urkal > whew
Urkal > be careful man
DivineBeing > imma go back to my normal domi
Urkal > i didnt know reats could scamble
DivineBeing > i aint loosing this one
DivineBeing > my domi fleet issues butt is on fire
DivineBeing > ok, imma strip this domi and equip my old one again. i'll come help you
Urkal > alright i dont expect to go down on tho you should be fine if you dont want the hassel
Urkal > dont think any of these guys scrambled me last time
DivineBeing > well my domi is better than my fleet issue currently cuz of the rigs
DivineBeing > serpentis right?
Urkal > yea
DivineBeing > ok coming
Urkal > should be able to warp to me
DivineBeing > you tanking or you want me to?
DivineBeing > what are you doing
DivineBeing > wtf are you doing?!
DivineBeing > hey stop shootingme!
DivineBeing > im here to help you wtf
DivineBeing > dude i cant replace this stop!
DivineBeing > STOP
DivineBeing > WTF?!
Van Drakk > that was initiation
Van Drakk > appparently you failed ?
DivineBeing > WHAT?!"
DivineBeing > i went to help him on his fucking mission and he kills me
Urkal > oh crap i was afk
DivineBeing > BULLSHIT YOU WERE
Van Drakk > i think his dog rofl stomped you
Van Drakk > by bashing his paws on the keyboard
DivineBeing > wtf was that for?!
DivineBeing > so you can take my stuff againj?!
Urkal > im a ninja
DivineBeing > your a fucking dickhead3
Van Drakk > whats a dickhead 3
Van Drakk > is that the third level of dickhead?
DivineBeing > im leaving corp. goodluck expanding
Van Drakk > why leave? we can be friends still
Urkal > my agent actually told me to do it its a ninja mission
Van Drakk > man that was funny
Urkal > omg i cant believe he fell for it

Ninja 101...steal everything!! Multiple times, if you can.

Invincible...Bah!

OK...I lied. In my last post, I stated:

...a Logistics ship makes you invincible.

Obviously not so. When you drop in on a Navy Mega, and the Logi ship is at zero km (DUDE! 74KM range ship...use it!) from it's repping tgt...you know you have some Ace Pilots here. The Oneiros went down in one millisec after repping the Mega's shields at 95%?!??! (Love the bonuses on the ship...not shield repping!!!) Um...didn't even wait until the Mega was even in trouble.

So...I must restate:

...a logistics ship makes you invincible; if you aren't stooooooooopppppid!

Vulcan Mindlink - Download Ninja Ways

Whoa...it's been awhile. Let's catch up. After joining T.E.A.R.S., we had a combined 4 active wars going...they didn't last long...by design. Learned a valuable lesson from the Ohhithere crew...a Logistics ship makes you invincible. I gotta tell you...as a Ninja, I'm stealin' that tactic. Enough about that. [T minus 35 days]

What else?

I have been a sponge. Soaking up information. I have voraciously read every single forum post on the SN/T.E.A.R.S website. The combined wealth of knowledge gleened from that site has given my toolbox a whole host of new devious tricks. How successful are the new tools?...very! They have been paying big dividends!