Yawn!

Ninjas are soooo boring. We do the same 'ole tiresome things...we salvage, we steal, yadda yadda. B o r i n g!

Take this carebear...I warp into the final room of a World's Collide mission. He's just finished the last room and for some reason is 50km from the Heron. He's motoring back to get his mission item.

I, of course, start liberating ATBs from large Angel wrecks. Yummy, sweet iskies flow into my cargohold.

Then I get this this in local:

Unconcerned MR > Yawn

Yeah Yeah...I know. I'm the dust under a flea's ass. Shoo away, you boring pest. You aren't worth my time. You bore me with your antics.

I reply:

Sarkor >> Ship's Crew...double yawn.

Let's see how boring I am.

Now Concerned MR > Dick!

Aha...not so boring. I do have an impact. I am relevant. I do "enhance" other people's gaming experience.

Sarkor > Wanna buy?...I make you good price...G.I.

Well now...rejecting my private contract is sooo rude. The manners of these bears are atrocious.

I R DUMB on TRADE

In a recent post...I mentioned I've been dabbling in other aspects of the game. Trade being the most...well...profitable.

For a ninja...I think trade skills are pretty important...now.

You see, up until a few weeks ago, I have been a complete moron when it comes to selling the stuff that I...er...borrow.

My modus operandi was to load up the Mammoth and fly to a hub...unload it, and mindlessly right click; sell item; rinse and repeat. I did well selling T2 modules from my ganks, but not the day to day crap I was amasssing. (I only had like 5-10 order slots)

Um...not too bright in retrospect.

I have come to embrace the market and all it's wonders. The results of this revalation are quite impressive. I spent a few weeks training trade skills and now I have 93 orders to play with. As long as I keep them active, my wallet blinks incessantly...which is pretty cool. I figure that I'm actually making 50% more isk for my thieving work. Plus I am trying buying low/selling high orders and it seems like easy money to fund my extra-cirricular activities.

Bottomline...Trade is cool. I am a convert now.

I also created a "Buyer" Alt on another acct. He just sits in another region and buys stuff (more cheaply than Heimatar), collects it, and transfers it to my main and he sells it off.

I view this as safer than investing my free cash with the MD crowd. (I trust me!)

Culling the herd

One of my favorite ninja tricks is what I call..."Culling the Dumb." I use this whenever the odds aren't in my favor.

Like the other night. I scanned down a Kronus, a Claymore, a Maelstrom, and a Hurricane in the same mission. Ok...not the greatest odds for a lone wolf ninja. So, just like a real wolf...I try to exploit any opportunity to "pick" off the dumbest member of the herd while the others are not able to...erm...interfere.

I board my trusty Vigil and jet off to the mission. In this case...AE; a multi-gate mission. Perfect. The plan is...steal...then wait. This makes me blinky red and the clock starts to wind down. I usually use this time to just salvage nice Angel wrecks.

The essence of this trick is to let the corp timer wind down to about 5 minutes, then jet through the other gates to find the herd of carebears. Once you find them, immediately align to base and hover over the warp button. You are trying to get just one of the carebears to shoot you. If one does...instantly warp before the others join in. The result is: you have a 15 minute timer on the dumb one, and a less than 5 minute timer on the corpies.

This works great because when you return...the corp timer is gone and the shooter is the only one that is a threat. The carebears never see it coming.

In this case...the Mael shot and I returned with Ganka-saurus. His friends got to watch his ship turn into a slagheap.

Since this trick doesn't allow much time for ship scanning...imagine my surprise at reading this KM: Maelstrom

Quite the expensive toy.

And here's the Coup d' grace:

Sarkor Nafaar > Thank you for choosing us for your gank. Your business means alot to us. We know you have choices to get your face torn off, but we appreciate that you chose us. You are a valued customer and we want to deliver the best gankage we can.

Cozmik R5 > XD

Frankslayer1982 > anytime

Frankslayer1982 > kinda sucks you aint turn red to everyone tho but a guess shit happens such is eve

Sarkor Nafaar > sorry...i used a diabolical ninja trick on you. By design, i didn't want the others to...erm...interfere.

Frankslayer1982 > well good kill then

Sarkor Nafaar > tyvm

By design!

Maurader Kill - Hook, Line, and Sinker

Maruaders...very interesting PVE ships. They are tough to get killz on for a variety of reasons.

First...They are very expensive. So...pilots think twice, maybe even thrice, about engaging someone in high-sec. As I've experienced...9 out of 10 times they don't shoot. Smart move, I'd say. And if they do shoot, they hide in station for weeks.

Second reason...they are built to salvage while they go. Tough for a ninja to "borrow" something when they scoop up all the loot as they go.

Imagine my surprise when I warp into a Maurader's mission, I "borrow" a nice Meta 4 and the guy immediately red-boxes me. Sigh...this will be a waste of the next 30 minutes. He won't be here when I come back.

Deorton > hey sarkor leave my shit alone mate

Sarkor Nafaar > why u shoot me

Sarkor Nafaar > ?

Deorton > cause u stole from me mate

Deorton > if u flash red i`m shooting bud

Pretty standard SOP...warp back to base, get Ganka-saurus, warp back to mission, and curse knowing "they always dock up Marauders".

However...this time is different. As Ganka-saurus is slow turning and just about to warp back to the mission...here comes the Vargur warping to station. C R A P ! The jig is up...he's spotted me in my gank ship! Poof...there goes the "element of surprise". Instead of canceling warp...I jet off to his mission-cursing my big slow Ding-Dong looking ship.

The MR docks in my base. (I'm watching him with my Logi alt) Then, surprisingly, he undocks in his big expensive ship and sits right in front of the base @ 0km. Lovely...docking games FTL.

Oh well.

Deorton > now ur a target

Sarkor Nafaar > i'm hiding

Sarkor Nafaar > ha ha

Deorton > why if u had asked i wpould havce givben it to you

Deorton > what u too scared to come and face me lol

Deorton > u little pussy

Deorton > what is that the best u can do is steal

Sarkor Nafaar > yes

Sarkor Nafaar > preety much

But there is something different this time. This guy is...er...taunting me?!? orly? That's a new one.

Deorton > what cant u fight me after u aggressed me

How can I kill this guy?...he'll just dock-up if it gets hairy for him. Eureka! I know....I'll use his stupidity against him. [Always bet on stupid]

H O O K

So...I'm at this guy's mission. I burn through some gates to find a lone can. I extend. [taking away any threat from corp mates as the corp timer expires]

I then jet back to the front of the base...[I have a BM just for this purpose]

I land on his head and I start lobbing torps at him...I chose to load torps that would go against his strengths. [I know,I know...but wait for it] He starts pounding me with guns and drones. I'm not even denting him...by design. I enter armor; after awhile, mind you...this IS a PVP ship, ya know.

So...at 1/4 armor left, I dock up. Here come the taunts...

Deorton > you poor little boy is want i can show u how to play the game lol

Deorton > if the best u got is steAL THEN SHAME ON YOU

Sarkor Nafaar > why?

Deorton > LET US SHOW U WHAT CAN BE BETYTEWR

Deorton > why cause that earns you pittance man

Sarkor Nafaar > sometimes steal good things

Deorton > i earn more in one mission than u earn in a week mater

Deorton > do u really want to continue

Deorton > come on man see sence plz

Deorton > i dont want to kill you but i will

Deorton > bye then bud lol

Sarkor Nafaar > :-)

Hook set.

L I N E

Let out some line for the big dumb fishy...

I tell him that's all I've got...dps wise. Poor me...lowly T1 ship. More taunts.

Deorton > is that the best5 u got bud
Sarkor Nafaar > yep
Deorton > u need more than that to beat me lol
Sarkor Nafaar > i see
Deorton > dont steal unless u can take it

S I N K E R

Let him swallow the sinker as well...

I undock...at 1/4 armor left! Trying to act as dumb as possible. Oh look...I'm so irresistable and defensless - I'm a killable target! Please shoot me some more. Pretty please! with cap boosters on top.

And what do you know. He bites!...out come his drones. New timer. Oh noes...he can't dock!

OK sports fans...here's what you don't know. Never once did I launch my drones (Ogre IIs) or use heat. I was Neut'ing him...so i know is cap is low already. And I have my Oneiros hovering on the other side of the base at 72km....I'm not gonna die anytime soon.

Time to reel this fish in!

This time I have the "right" torps loaded and out come my precious Ogre IIs. And the Torps go bright red...H E A T, baby. Neut is sucking his cap dry...again. NO boosts for you...Paco.

OMG...what's this? The MR's shields start melting! Muah ha ha.

Where are the taunts now? [Crickets] Thought so.

More bad news for Mister "I'm so bad" Vargur. The Oneiros fires up three large remote armor repairers! My armor bar climbs like a howler monkey with his tail on fire. About this time, a big huge "pout" forms on the MR's face. [imagination ftw]

At 3/4 of his shields gone (tank cracked) and my armor skyrocketing...this guy starts thinking to himself..."Self, time to bug out!" In come his drones, and his cannons are silenced. Not so fast, Lumpy.

Now it's...race time. Can I vaporize this guy before the re-dock timer elapses? This is where Ogre IIs really shine! Big huge chunks of armor go flying off into space. And structure right behind it. The Ninja God smiles. Scratch one expensive ship from existence.

Check out that fit...lulz.

Here's but a mere sample of the tears that squirt from my little cupcake's eyes over the next hour:

Deorton > fuck you cant do one on one hgad to bring ur friends you little4 possy

Deorton > u poor ;ittle bitch cant do a fair fight cant cope with out ur mates

Deorton > ahhhhhh pooor you

Sarkor Nafaar > u mad?

Deorton > u pussy bitch cant fight without matess lol

Sarkor Nafaar > i like your tears

Deorton > u little bitch need help yerah cant do it on ur own lol

Sarkor Nafaar > was your ship expensive?

Deorton > too lazy to do it own ur owen or too little lol

Sarkor Nafaar > emphasis on "W A S"

Deorton > fuck you hey iu goty more bitxch not hartd

Deorton > what the beszt u got is t1 lol

Sarkor Nafaar > you're still dead....from t1

Sarkor Nafaar > i have to question your skillz

Deorton > y thjat

Deorton > come on 2 -1 takes the piss

Deorton > too pussy to go one on one hah ha

Deorton > have to have ur mates tyher cause ur a pussy

Deorton > oh no answer pusssy boy

Sarkor Nafaar > ur still dead...lol

Sarkor Nafaar > i'm alive

Deorton > and it took you to outnumnber me to do so

Deorton > bitch

Deorton > cant do one on one or is that too hard lol

Sarkor Nafaar > Let me dial 911 and get you a WAAAAAAAAAAAAA-bulance....for those big squishy girl tears

Deorton > oh your a dead man

Sarkor Nafaar > [Refueling Operation Engaged]....[Whine pumps operational]....[Transferring your tears to Warp Core]...[Your QQ fuel me]

Sarkor Nafaar > actually i'm still alive....your are the dead guy

Sarkor Nafaar > please try to keep track of current events

Deorton > deAD U SUR BUD

Galmarr > Deorton, shut up already

Deorton > fuck you too bitch or bring it

Later...

Deorton > Where are you dick

Sarkor Nafaar > [Out of Office} Sarkor cannot take your call right now. Please leave your name and number and he'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is an emergency...try his cell @ 1-800-ura-tard.

Deorton > bring it bitch

Deorton > come on

Deorton > or is that the best u got

Deorton > oh pussy is that the best u got lo;l

Deorton > oh dear lol

Sarkor Nafaar > shhhhh...i can't concentrate...I'm selling your stuffz

Deorton > yeah what ever lol

Sarkor Nafaar > ok...done selling your stuff

Sarkor Nafaar > what do you need cupcake?

Deorton > come against me one on one or are u too scar3ed lo;

Sarkor Nafaar > after a billion isk loss...you still want more?

Dabbling

Been trying different aspects of the game...

-Exploration...flying around looking for Radar/Mag/combat sites. I found one site that gave me 48 million in stuffz. However...they are hard to find, as I have found out.

-Got a Research Agent going...making free stuffz.

-Trade...really starting to like this. I acquire tons of stuff through...well...theft. Now I can sell it smarter. I have also dropped some cash on buy orders (low)...then weekly fly around an pick it up and sell (high) in a mission hub. I put together a spreadsheet...I'm getting 50%+ profit. Some items are ridonkulously profitable. I call it Trade Ganking. Really...how lazy can you be to sell me something for .01 isk? Pretty easy money with little to no effort while watching T.V....filling my Mammoth.

-POS Scouting. Started flying around looking for offline, non-allied POSs for potential-bashing. First night...much success.

-My Security Status stealing is going well... have a comfortable status now...time to Suicide Gank for Profit!!!! But sitting on a gate; clicking passive targeter...cargo scan...rinse/repeat...suxxor boring. (Looking for that stoopie Plex hauler!!!)

Double Tap

What's better than killing a carebear?

Killing two carebears at the same time!

Double Tap. Pow...Pow! Pow...Pow!

I've gotten a few double kills lately...one right after the other. These are very exhilrating...quite the heart-pounding fun.

The first was a Tengu/Tempest combo:

Tengu
Tempest

and the most recent was a Abaddon/Domi kill:

Abaddon
Domi

In both cases, the second kill came from a feeble attempt to save the first carebear via RR. This, as you can see, turns out badly for the RR Hero.

There is a misconception among carebears that they are safe amongst friends and that they can win a fight against a PVP ship. Not often does that occur.

Next up...try to kill 3 carebears at a time!

Memory...it's kinda important

Pop Quiz Time!!!! Ready?

Question #1: What happens to a carebear that "forgets" that he shot a "ninja" two hours prior?

Answer: Badness. Like in..."you die, byatch"...badnesss.

So...this nimrod...AKA Carebear, shoots Van Drakk...then leaves the mission.

And the system.

And the region.

Time and distance = safety, right? (2 Hours + a bunch of jumps away = Hi Sec Bliss)

Van Drakk...however, relishes the "hunting" aspect of the kill. It's called "Over-zealous, Relentless Pursuit of the Gank." The Drakkster extends on the target for two hours+.

Um...like that's crazy sick. Demented. I mean...move on...look for easier prey. Extends for 2+ hours...gah, really?!? What warped "sicko" does that!?!

(Oh yeah...we do!!!!!)

While the Drak is busy using Secret Ninja Tricks...Urkal flys around looking for this guy.

And flys.

And flys.

And Flys. System after system.

Urkal finally locates him...many jumps away. Succcess!!!

However, Urkal can't zero in on this guy using his Cov Ops scanner (sooo many carebears). And time is running out. So he tries for a more direct...sneaky...approach. "Use the Carebear against himself."

Like hunting Elk...Urkal uses a "mating call" to bring the Carebear (they are dumb as a stump, don't ya know) into shooting range. No Carebear can resist this primal, in-grained urge to...MISSION...it's in their DNA!

Urkal > Hello Azzerone, i was wondering if you could help me with something m8

Urkal > I'm in sort of a pinch on this mission in avesber and i came looking for some help

Urkal > if you could help me finish this mission i'll give you some isk, i really need the loyalty points

Azzerone > what level&

Urkal > lvl 4

Urkal > id

Urkal > give you about 10 milllion

Urkal > its the gist extravaganza

Urkal > we can do the bonus room if you like

Azzerone > no need - lets go, ill c what i can do, but im doin 3lv now\

Urkal > alright sounds good

Azzerone > fleet me

Bah ha ha ....so Van Drakk makes haste to get to the target's system. All the while, Urkal stalls...

Well, as you can imagine...this doesn't end well for our intrepid, good samaritan Carebear. He gets fleet warped to Planet 1 where a salivating Van Drakk waits in a Gank ship.

"Come to Papa!"

Urkal > you ready for fleet warp?

Azzerone > sure

Azzerone > where r u

Urkal > im in my scanner ill put you there

Urkal > then ill get my battleship

Urkal > whered you go?

Urkal > :) thanks

Azzerone > ok

Ransom time....

[09:03:54] Van Drakk > 50 mil and ill let you go
[09:03:59] Azzerone > ok
[09:04:08] Van Drakk > pay and ill stop
[09:04:13] Azzerone > stop shootin im not even targetin
[09:04:19] Van Drakk > k i stopped
[09:04:37] Azzerone > how would i know
[09:04:45] Van Drakk > im a man of my word
[09:04:56] Azzerone > we ll see
[09:05:06] Van Drakk > hurry man
[09:05:09] Van Drakk > or ill shoot again
[09:05:12] Van Drakk > you have 10 seconds
[09:05:30] Van Drakk > fly safe

Oh noes...Betrayal!

Death ensues.

[09:05:39] Van Drakk > and my advice would be
[09:05:41] Van Drakk > to never
[09:05:42] Van Drakk > ever
[09:05:46] Van Drakk > shoot a fuckin ninja
[09:06:05] Azzerone > i hadnt
[09:06:12] Azzerone > u r a hore
[09:06:50] Van Drakk > tears nom nom
[09:07:28] Azzerone > i dont care really)
[09:07:34] Van Drakk > that's nice

Urkal...polite as ever.

Urkal > thanks for your help
Azzerone > sure dick
Urkal > well fly safer

Another notch in the Carebear hunting rifle...