Double Tap

What's better than killing a carebear?

Killing two carebears at the same time!

Double Tap. Pow...Pow! Pow...Pow!

I've gotten a few double kills lately...one right after the other. These are very exhilrating...quite the heart-pounding fun.

The first was a Tengu/Tempest combo:

Tengu
Tempest

and the most recent was a Abaddon/Domi kill:

Abaddon
Domi

In both cases, the second kill came from a feeble attempt to save the first carebear via RR. This, as you can see, turns out badly for the RR Hero.

There is a misconception among carebears that they are safe amongst friends and that they can win a fight against a PVP ship. Not often does that occur.

Next up...try to kill 3 carebears at a time!

Memory...it's kinda important

Pop Quiz Time!!!! Ready?

Question #1: What happens to a carebear that "forgets" that he shot a "ninja" two hours prior?

Answer: Badness. Like in..."you die, byatch"...badnesss.

So...this nimrod...AKA Carebear, shoots Van Drakk...then leaves the mission.

And the system.

And the region.

Time and distance = safety, right? (2 Hours + a bunch of jumps away = Hi Sec Bliss)

Van Drakk...however, relishes the "hunting" aspect of the kill. It's called "Over-zealous, Relentless Pursuit of the Gank." The Drakkster extends on the target for two hours+.

Um...like that's crazy sick. Demented. I mean...move on...look for easier prey. Extends for 2+ hours...gah, really?!? What warped "sicko" does that!?!

(Oh yeah...we do!!!!!)

While the Drak is busy using Secret Ninja Tricks...Urkal flys around looking for this guy.

And flys.

And flys.

And Flys. System after system.

Urkal finally locates him...many jumps away. Succcess!!!

However, Urkal can't zero in on this guy using his Cov Ops scanner (sooo many carebears). And time is running out. So he tries for a more direct...sneaky...approach. "Use the Carebear against himself."

Like hunting Elk...Urkal uses a "mating call" to bring the Carebear (they are dumb as a stump, don't ya know) into shooting range. No Carebear can resist this primal, in-grained urge to...MISSION...it's in their DNA!

Urkal > Hello Azzerone, i was wondering if you could help me with something m8

Urkal > I'm in sort of a pinch on this mission in avesber and i came looking for some help

Urkal > if you could help me finish this mission i'll give you some isk, i really need the loyalty points

Azzerone > what level&

Urkal > lvl 4

Urkal > id

Urkal > give you about 10 milllion

Urkal > its the gist extravaganza

Urkal > we can do the bonus room if you like

Azzerone > no need - lets go, ill c what i can do, but im doin 3lv now\

Urkal > alright sounds good

Azzerone > fleet me

Bah ha ha ....so Van Drakk makes haste to get to the target's system. All the while, Urkal stalls...

Well, as you can imagine...this doesn't end well for our intrepid, good samaritan Carebear. He gets fleet warped to Planet 1 where a salivating Van Drakk waits in a Gank ship.

"Come to Papa!"

Urkal > you ready for fleet warp?

Azzerone > sure

Azzerone > where r u

Urkal > im in my scanner ill put you there

Urkal > then ill get my battleship

Urkal > whered you go?

Urkal > :) thanks

Azzerone > ok

Ransom time....

[09:03:54] Van Drakk > 50 mil and ill let you go
[09:03:59] Azzerone > ok
[09:04:08] Van Drakk > pay and ill stop
[09:04:13] Azzerone > stop shootin im not even targetin
[09:04:19] Van Drakk > k i stopped
[09:04:37] Azzerone > how would i know
[09:04:45] Van Drakk > im a man of my word
[09:04:56] Azzerone > we ll see
[09:05:06] Van Drakk > hurry man
[09:05:09] Van Drakk > or ill shoot again
[09:05:12] Van Drakk > you have 10 seconds
[09:05:30] Van Drakk > fly safe

Oh noes...Betrayal!

Death ensues.

[09:05:39] Van Drakk > and my advice would be
[09:05:41] Van Drakk > to never
[09:05:42] Van Drakk > ever
[09:05:46] Van Drakk > shoot a fuckin ninja
[09:06:05] Azzerone > i hadnt
[09:06:12] Azzerone > u r a hore
[09:06:50] Van Drakk > tears nom nom
[09:07:28] Azzerone > i dont care really)
[09:07:34] Van Drakk > that's nice

Urkal...polite as ever.

Urkal > thanks for your help
Azzerone > sure dick
Urkal > well fly safer

Another notch in the Carebear hunting rifle...

Hi...Help me Gank you! KKthksbye

Edition IV of SECT OR's self help series:

How to kill yourself 101: (tuition free)

[07:44:29] KunoH > moin
[07:44:36] Van Drakk > don't worry van drakks got all the slavaging here
[07:44:39] Van Drakk > ill be the janitor
[07:44:47] Van Drakk > just tellin ya
[07:44:57] KunoH > okay
[07:51:02] Van Drakk > you wanna do me a favor m8?
[07:54:13] Van Drakk > i want to test my transversal velocity think you could stick your drones on my i wanna see if i can elude them
[07:54:26] Van Drakk > me*
[07:55:23] KunoH > first, i go to the other gate^^
[07:55:37] Van Drakk > what do you mean?
[07:55:39] KunoH > you can loot if you want
[07:55:53] Van Drakk > yeah i know
[07:57:07] Van Drakk > you gonna stick your drones on me?
[07:57:15] Van Drakk > i wanna test my piloting skills
[07:57:26] KunoH > jepp
[07:57:47] KunoH > 44 km
[07:57:53] KunoH > ist the range
[07:58:01] Van Drakk > kk put em on me
[07:58:23] Van Drakk > i might have to warp out if they almost kill me
[07:58:48] Van Drakk > geez they are fast
[07:58:59] Van Drakk > thanks man
[07:59:05] Van Drakk > seems i need to work on some zig zag tactics
[07:59:14] KunoH > you welcome
[07:59:49] Van Drakk > im gonna repair my ship
[07:59:54] Van Drakk > you gonna finish your mission?
[08:00:00] Van Drakk > so i can salvage some more
[08:00:20] KunoH > jepp

Really?!?...you freely gave a Ninja agro in Hi Sec? Kill meh, kill meh kill meh!

[08:08:29] KunoH > this way?
[08:09:38] Van Drakk > 30 mil and ill let you go
[08:10:04] Van Drakk > whats it gonna be?
[08:10:23] KunoH > you dreaming
[08:10:31] Van Drakk > well your ships gona die then
[08:11:15] Van Drakk > it's still not too late
[08:11:21] Van Drakk > 25 mil and ill let you go
[08:11:29] KunoH > no way
[08:11:36] Van Drakk > lol alright lowest ill go is 20
[08:12:22] KunoH > no way not for zhis
[08:12:26] KunoH > this

[08:12:54] Van Drakk > 10 mil final offer

Poof...he dies.

Thus ends the lesson.

This game just got more "Brutal..."

So I just realized the impacts of the latest content delivery...Tyrannis.

I just bought an Arazu so i could play around in Wormhole space...flew around, buying cool stuff to fit it out. Before leaving base, I hit the Insurance Button.

Whoa.

I mean...Whoa.

If this ship dies...I get squat back.

It didn't quite register in my pea-brain when reading the Patch notes that insurance was getting re-calculated - and the impact.

So, instead of wallowing in disbelief, I chose to rejoice in the fact that when I kill someone's ship in game - it's gonna S U C K more for carebears!!!!! [Like the guy I killed in the prior post]

I like this.

I like this alot.

Oh Noes...Weapons Malfunction...sorry..all is well

Internet spaceships are serious business. We're talking very complicated pieces of hardware that allow us to zip around the universe doing what we do... Sometimes, however, accidents happen in space. May it be from bad luck, lack of Preventive Maintenance on key sub-systems or pilot...er...em... error.

Sarkor Nafaar > Good Morning
Clinkar > so WTF ?
Sarkor Nafaar > Seems I had a weapons malfunction
Sarkor Nafaar > These crappy Minmatar ships are held together with duct tape and chewing gum
Clinkar > well can u kindly refund the ransom ?

He's mad I took his moneyz and blowed him up

Sarkor Nafaar > I will query the nearest station for repairs at once...i assure you
Clinkar > i dont understand ?
Sarkor Nafaar > Well, you see, the astrometric systems on these ships is, sad to say, not up to ASDE standards....
Sarkor Nafaar > Gravity fields and ion pulses severly mess with the targeting systems
Clinkar > aha so whats ur point ?
Sarkor Nafaar > I really need to buy some shielding so that weapons amlfunctions don't happen again...
Clinkar > ok but that doesnt answer my question will u refund my ransom

Wut? You want your 30 million back?!? Really?

Sarkor Nafaar > I'm in station now...talking to the repair supervisor...oddly enough, he's quoting 30 million! Imagine that...crazy how prices have skyrocketed since the galactic councel has opened up planets for extraction
Sarkor Nafaar > I guess it will be safer for all pilots if I repair my targeting systems...we wouldn't want any more "accidents", now would we?
Clinkar > why be an ass man u wanted ransom so i payed the u destroy it anyways and get jack shit for it
Clinkar > well ill see what my alliance says about it anyways
Sarkor Nafaar > That truely is unfortunate, but we, together, as a team, have discovered a serious flaw in my targeting systems...
Sarkor Nafaar > This truely is fortunate....on many levels
Clinkar > yeap that there is a retard in control of it
Clinkar > good day to you to and may we meet in the future

lol...a retard that didn't SHOOT @ a N E E N J A!

Bad, Worse, and Horrible

BAD

When you pay a Ninja 50 million to let your Navy Issue Raven go AND the Ninja keeps shooting you. RANSOM BETRAYAL!

WORSE

When you pay another 50 Million to the same Ninja that betrayed the first 50 Million, hoping this time he'll honor it. WRONG...more Betrayal! I mean, really. Is there no bottom to the ocean of stupidity!?

HORRIBLE

The realization that, after dumping 100 million, you are going to lose your ship. What kind of gut-wrenching anguish must be felt when you know you are a tard (another 50 million after the first Betrayal?) AND you decide to self-immolate your own Billion isk ship! Wow...just...wow.

Chat:

AOSA > what do you want
AOSA > money?
AOSA > I'll give
Van Drakk > yeah
Van Drakk > 50 mil should cover it
AOSA > hope much?
AOSA > hello
AOSA > how much?
Van Drakk > 50 mil
AOSA > stop shooting I promise I'll so it
AOSA > that was me
AOSA > k leave now

[Torps start firing again....ooops wrong button]

AOSA > dude what the hell do you want
AOSA > you win?
Van Drakk > 50 more mil and i swear ill leave you alone
AOSA > the stop
AOSA > I have
AOSA > it
Van Drakk > not until i get the money
Van Drakk > i wont stop
AOSA > let me warp
Van Drakk > not gonna let you warp
Van Drakk > i need the 50 mil first
AOSA > then how can i trust you?
Van Drakk > because im an honorable man
AOSA > Please?
AOSA > how about 1000000000.0
AOSA > I have that
AOSA > let me warp and its yours
AOSA > think about it
AOSA > I('m serious
AOSA > its my Blackops fund
AOSA > everything I have
Van Drakk > 50 mil right now or you die
AOSA > done
AOSA > well that was fun
AOSA > to bad
AOSA > I really do have that much
Van Drakk > i don't doubt that
Van Drakk > thanks for the money

[OMG! the Torps start again!!! Crazy]

[AOSA Initiates self destruct of his Navy Issue Raven]

AOSA > well glad your happy with your self
AOSA > btw was that my self destruct or you?
Van Drakk > your self destruct
AOSA > oh good
AOSA > not that it mattered
AOSA > I trying getting the other guy to take of the Mission bs
AOSA > then I'd have been nokay
AOSA > you know we could legit had a match?
AOSA > I have PvP ships
AOSA > so what don you do for a living?
AOSA > Oh come you don't like small talk?
AOSA > okay how about thisw one can I have 50mil back?
AOSA > lol
AOSA > you know you could've kept milking that
AOSA > that alt that I gave you money from has 3 bil
AOSA > lol
AOSA > do any WH ops? I do with that other account
Van Drakk > your tears fuel me nom nom nom
AOSA > good, good, more for me and you
AOSA > weird thing is months ago I'd have been pissed, but I'm really not
AOSA > lol
AOSA > I'm just talking to ya
Van Drakk > well i'm glad getting sodimized is ok with you
AOSA > figure why not
AOSA > yeah
AOSA > sodimzied
AOSA > you do know how pathetic that sounds
AOSA > so you're a rappist good job
AOSA > I'm proud for you
Van Drakk > more tears nom nom
AOSA > I hate you so much
Van Drakk > Tis' a shame, i like you lots, people like you make me rich

Van Drakk...a bright and upcoming terror in the SECT OR Ranks!

Latent Tears - Truely Epic Tears

Pilot Interaction...it's what makes Eve so different from other MMORPGs. In the "Sandbox", great and wonderful things can happen. And on the flip side, dark and horrible things can happen also.

We, as Ninjas, can have a L A S T I N G impact on our fellow pod pilots.

Take this poor guy. One bad decision can change your game experience for months. (Try that in WOW - ain't happening)

Private Convo Starts:

Urkal > how may i help you

idk706 > im still upset with you for what you did 105 days ago

Urkal > wait let me check

Urkal > o yes i remember :) the sansa side

Urkal > funny thing was i didnt realize how expensive your ship was back then

idk706 > i hate you.......

idk706 > im so...sad...

Urkal > have you been able to replace it yet?

idk706 > fuck no

idk706 > im down to 20 mil, mining ice ina retreiver

Urkal > yikes well what have you been doing since then?

idk706 > you ruined my eve life destroying that billion isk ship...it was my investment

idk706 > training fora chimera....

idk706 > making an honest living and just mining....

Urkal > well couldnt you have like gotten into a maelstrom or raven and missioned again to replace it?

idk706 > i cant fly minmmie ships, and i dont have torpedo skills....i trained all my sp into turrets....thats why my skills are so advanced in that genre

Urkal > yea get into a tempest and mission again

Urkal > although i could understand why you wouldnt again

idk706 > you dont understand the sorrow and grief i experienced

Urkal > can you try to explain?

Urkal > what did you do the second after?

idk706 > I was scolded by my superiors

Urkal > really?

idk706 > right after that, i took a break, for a little while

idk706 > yes, really

idk706 > it was literally the sadest day of my life....i thought i cried, but im sure i didnt

Urkal > didnt you shoot at me and then warp out to find me at the first room

Urkal > then you scared me off and went back in the second

Urkal > and thats where i found you?

idk706 > i shot you because my corpies told me to, i shot you because that was our hard work that you were just simply taking away from us....then you come back to destroy it even more

Urkal > yea sorry about that i almost picked your buddy instead of you but id never seen a nightmare before

Urkal > at least you and your corp wont bother ninjas again

idk706 > we have people for ninjas now

idk706 > people like me, i destroy people that steal our corps hard earned salvage

Urkal > wait you guys made a special team just for me?

idk706 > for ninjas and can tippers all around

idk706 > they call in people for back up, we come in

idk706 > thats why my only combat ship is a cruiser

Urkal > ahhh so they come in with disruptor and kill the ninjas

idk706 > webbs ofcourse because you bastards are oh so fast with your little mwds and vigils

idk706 > i loved that ship urkal

idk706 > me and that ship have been together a while...

Urkal > good times with it?

idk706 > very, i remember when i first bought it, i started armor tanking it, heh, bad mistake

idk706 > getting ownd ina L4 solo, but i pulled through, refitted and kicked ass when i got that dread booster

idk706 > i would give anything to have it again....

Urkal > youll get another some day

idk706 > i hope.....i really do

Urkal > how long does a mission runner/miner take to get that much?

idk706 > when u killed me, you told me, u scanned me before and saw my [Faction] shield booste,r and wanted it

Urkal > yea i did

Urkal > i wanted to sell it for quick isk

idk706 > well, ice mining is 7.25mil and hr with prestige ice mining skills in a mackinaw, so about 1300hrs of mining, on average a mission gives out 10mil in bounty/salvage/and loot, but it varies so about 100 missions witch are about 45-1hr each

Urkal > you should ninja

idk706 > no, i dont want bad standings, besides were forbidden to do any can tipping/ninja salvaging and scamming in our corp

Urkal > well they should help you replace your ship

Urkal > for telling you to shoot me in your dreamship

idk706 > its been to long now, people have forgotten, besides they denied that request, since it was to expensive to replace

idk706 > did you use t2 repeating artillery and torps on me?

Urkal > torps all the way

idk706 > because i was tanking that missions, witch i rarely do plus you armor tanked...with has high resist against my lasers

Urkal > yea you had no chance i knew your resists and your damage

Urkal > just a bad call to shoot and not leave

idk706 > i didnt know youd come back in a fucking phoon fitted against me

Urkal > not many people do

Urkal > :) its how i make a living

idk706 > besides, i thought id pop you, but my tracking wasnt as good

idk706 > thats sad

idk706 > damn, its almost 10, gunna finish this cycle, get some dinner then go do some drugs i guess and drink some beer and fuck my wife....

Urkal > LOL

Urkal > alright man, ill seeya later i truely am sorry

Killmail

End Transmission for the Trail o' Tears

Truely Epic Tear squirting there.